Spiders vs Conkers. FIGHT!

Are spiders conkerphobic? The Royal Society of Chemistry wants to know. (Chemists of course ask all the important questions). I'm a bit torn on whether I want it to be true. If it is, then conkers will become righteously popular again -which will mean less for me, but also better horsechestnut tree care.

I love the headline 'Spiders vs conkers', it just evokes such glorious images. Possibly a Pixar style silent comedy as the spider attacks the tricky to control sphere, or a more malicious horde of spiders facing an avalanche of conkers (One spider would naturally be pacing at the front trying to rally the troops). Would one spider be capable of creating a web that would hold a conker, let alone stop one rolling or falling down? I'm off to find a spider web to do some experiments.

Beer Wars!

Heineken has gone to court to stop a local Swiss group from distributing a spoof brand called Keineken (No Heineken). Heineken are apparently 'not amused'. Well I am very amused. Anything that sticks up two fingers to the giant breweries tends to be a good thing. We need variety in our beer and local bereweries deserve as much advertising as possible. Who next? Stella Nilpoi? Snarling yak label?

Zombie outbreak mathematically modelled

A Canadian group of researchers has scientifically analysed the living's chances against a zombie horde. They made some interesting assumptions to do this, especially that Zombies would be the slow moving stupid kind, would only want human flesh and the timescale of the outbreak would be short. This may irritate survivalists who have prepared their well armed rec-rooms with enough microwave meals and ammo for several years. The paper then compares the spread of zombies as a mathematical model is to the spread of ideas and political parties. Does this mean that if you run fast enough from a new idea or hit any sign of 'infection' with a big bat, you can save humanity from it? Well that didn't work so well for the Spanish Inquisition but it's a damn shame my pacifistic nature disallows me from trying it on the BNP. I can see it now, last known non-fascist, anti racists hole up in the Trafford Centre to face off the hordes of BNP supporteers with nothing but golf clubs and fabulous shoes from Selfridges.
pdf of research

Nude penguins and fetish foxes

I love silly season. I also adore penguins and am therefore very concerned about poor little Ralph the penguin, who lost all his feathers and has to wear a little wetsuit to stop him getting sunburn. Fortunately all his penguin friends are still letting him join in the penguin games.

Of course over in Germany the Sommerloch, is also bustling with animal antics. The wild boars, instead of attacking churches or breaking in to hardware stores are partying on the autobahn, a fox has developed a footwear fetish ( If he was in Berlin he could attend specialist sex parties for that) and hedgehogs are becoming some sort of rescue statistic in Nord Rhine-Westphalia. Why the police are required to deal with hedgehogs is a mystery. The boars I will grant are scary porkers in desperate need of a harshly written ASBO.