Spiders vs Conkers. FIGHT!

Are spiders conkerphobic? The Royal Society of Chemistry wants to know. (Chemists of course ask all the important questions). I'm a bit torn on whether I want it to be true. If it is, then conkers will become righteously popular again -which will mean less for me, but also better horsechestnut tree care.

I love the headline 'Spiders vs conkers', it just evokes such glorious images. Possibly a Pixar style silent comedy as the spider attacks the tricky to control sphere, or a more malicious horde of spiders facing an avalanche of conkers (One spider would naturally be pacing at the front trying to rally the troops). Would one spider be capable of creating a web that would hold a conker, let alone stop one rolling or falling down? I'm off to find a spider web to do some experiments.

Conker threats

Well this is a disaster, the Horse Chestnut Leaf Miner are here in the UK! They are making the beautiful Horse Chestnut trees look nasty. What person want to hunt for luscious smooth conkers under something as pitted and pocked as the leaves above? Sure the moths might not have lasting effects, but these are trees, not people. In 30 years time we could be talking about his moth like we talk about smoking - If we knew then, what we know now etc etc.

Why have there been no public service announcements? Our conkers are at risk! Sure the Forrestry Commission is keeping an eye on them, but is it enough? Maybe Mi5 should be brought in for better surveillance and spread calculation. Our finest scientific minds should be workling on this. We should have daily adverts telling us to collect up conker leaves and burn them! Children should be taking part in leaf-collecting-drives in school! Old ladies should be collecting leaves on the bottom of their zimmer frames! Communities should come together to burn the leaves - and not just on bonfire night, every night! There should be an emergency helpline for notifications about infercted trees!

Save our Conkers!

It is clear to me that I must do further research on the risks to conker trees, so that I can run my own public information campaign. There is something out there called Bleeding Canker of Horse Chestnut, which is already giving me nightmares.

Moths declare war on conkers

A certain kind of moth is attacking conker trees in Germany, needless to say I am very concerned that these little b*stards might make it over the channel. I shall be writing a strongly worded letter to the border agency on the subject of searching people for chestnut leaves and conkers. I myself am distraught that I might have brought some to the UK when I moved back here.

On a side note, is drinking under a conker tree a good idea, or are the Germans normally inside before the splendiferous seeds start dropping?

A moral conker dilemma

I have been struggling with a quandry and it is beginning to interfere with my enjoyment of conker season.

Is it morally wrong to collect conkers within a park which includes a children's playground? And how far geographically do you need to be from a school, when collecting the lovely smooth, mahogany covered jewels so as not to deny a child of it's outdoorsy fun and therefore personal development? Should one collect conkers where thou willst and teach the kiddies the importance of eagle eyed observation and getting-there-first?

It's conker season!

I love conkers. I love finding them. I love sifting through the fallen leaves to get at them. I love prying them out of any remnant casings. I love polishing them up. I love pocketing them. The first conkers are here. They may be small and a little soft but they are here. Hooray!